Reflective Accounting
Copyright Rabbi Eli Hecht
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Now that another Jewish year has gone by, it's time for me to take an honest accounting. I look at my affairs. Most of my actions seem O.K. Maybe I slipped here and there, but in total I believe things are not bad. After all, G‑d gave the commandments to man and not to the angels. As the saying goes, "To err is human, to forgive is divine." So I think that things will work out for a great new year.
Yet, on the other hand, I ask myself: Are things the way they seem or perhaps I'm fooling myself. "Look here, even smart people don't always perceive things as they should." Seeing is not concrete proof, and I can demonstrate this by recounting a personal experience.
On a visit to Israel I decided to spend the Sabbath in Jerusalem and pray at the Western Wall, the only remaining wall of Solomon's Temple. Early in the morning I donned my Sabbath clothing; a long black caftan and prayer shawl (traditional white cloth used for prayer). Remembering that I was in the holiest part of Jerusalem, the area of the Temple, I prayed earnestly.
In the State of Israel there are no Jewish tours provided on the Sabbath due to the sanctity of the day. However, in the midst of my prayers a large tourist bus from Jordan pulled up bringing a group of German nuns to the Holy Wall to observe the prayers taking place. As I was praying, the Jordanian driver pointed to me and unequivocally said, "See that man with his prayer shawl and Sabbath attire. His only concern is for our Holy Land, and he knows nothing of what is taking place outside of Jerusalem." I smiled while the nuns took my picture as a souvenir of this "walking antique." It occurred to me, imagine, a fifth generation American praying in Israel being portrayed as a holy man who has lived in the Holy Land for centuries. When thinking of this episode I understand that seeing is not always believing! It's easy to fool others and, at times, even ourselves.
During the month of June I experienced another noteworthy situation. As Father's Day was approaching, I felt very grateful to my wife for providing me with a loving home and our family of six children. I know how hard she works to provide the family atmosphere we enjoy. Therefore, I planned to do something to show my affection and appreciation. Instead of receiving gifts on Father's Day I wanted to give something. The right gift would be a bottle of perfume. The next day I found myself in a department store overwhelmed by a vast array of perfume bottles. I couldn't make heads nor tails of it all, which perfume was supposed to do what! Imagine the mixed message you're dealing with when faced with a choice between Poison and Obsession!
A pleasant saleslady asked me if I needed some assistance. After I had explained that the perfume was a gift for my wife, she inquired what I had done that necessitated such a gift. I was so taken aback that I laughed. It seems that in the 90's people buy perfume for their wives only when they've done something wrong or are in the planning stages of something improper.
"Look," I said, "I love my wife and just want to buy her a gift, no more and no less." The saleslady was so excited with what I had to say that she promptly appeared with a group of co-workers and recounted our conversation. They unanimously agreed that I was "quite a fellow." What was so extraordinary, I wondered?
What we think of as regular sometimes becomes extraordinary. What we see and believe may not even be the truth. So how can I possibly make an honest accounting of my actions over the past year? There must be a fair way to make the reckoning. In the books of Holy Writing we find that the first question to be asked on the last day of Judgment is, "Did you deal honestly with your fellow man?" Maybe it's not so extraordinary to do some reflective accounting!