It Takes a Pesach to Raise a Family
The holiday of Pesach is quickly approaching and will be celebrated on Saturday night, April 19th. What message is there for our families in this fast moving world?
The Jewish calendar is full of holidays. Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkos, Simchas Torah, Chanukah, Purim, and Shavuos. Each of the holidays is celebrated in synagogues or at homes. But none of them are totally family orientated. Each holiday has its symbols and prayers.
The holiday I like most is Pesach and its family theme. Each family gathers for the Pesach Seder – festive meal. In the Bible we are told that God instructed Moshe to address each household with the following commandment: “Speak to the entire community of Israel saying on the tenth day of the month they shall take each man a lamb for his family. "A lamb for each household.” (Exodus 12-3). The mitzvah of taking a lamb for the Pascal sacrifice was for each family and for each family member “And you must preserve this ritual as a statute for you and your children forever… When your children will ask you “What is this service of yours.” You shall say “It is the Pesach offering to remind us of who passed over the houses of Israel in Egypt.”
This is the only holiday where it explicitly states that there has to be interaction between parents and children. The message of having all the children at the seder table is found in the Haggadah where we are to address the four sons – the clever, wicked, simple and one who doesn’t know how to ask. Each are recognized for what they are.
On Pesach we really try hard to get the family together. All year long we are busy. So busy, that we hardly get to speak to each other. We are off to work, college, sports clubs, synagogues, etc. Everybody has places to be at a certain time. Families rarely eat together and if they do it may be at a restaurant or a fast food facility, but always in a rush with part of the family missing. There is hardly any quality time given for reconnecting as a family.
Yes, the holidays do bring families together, but not like Pesach. On Pesach night the complete family gathers and exchange ideas and feelings. It is the time for brothers and sisters to converse in a happy place. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, and long lost cousins somehow gravitate to the home that is providing the Seder. New friendships are made while old ones are refreshed. Symbolically, the four sons, meaning the different ideas of how to do things and live find common ground at the Seder table.
The child asks, the father answers, family dynamics come alive and are exciting. The educating of each individual starts again. The father, who leads the Seder, leads in a position of an adult gently educating as he recites the Pesach story. Family night is recreated to last. Hilary Clinton wrote a book titled It takes a Village and Other Lessons Children Teach us. There she writes of her vision on the impact of the outside world on the family. In her presidential campaign she said “I still believe it takes a village to raise a child.”
Pesach comes yearly with a message that it may take a village to raise a child but it takes a religion and family to raise a family. So this Pesach, remember that the best thing you can do for your family is to make sure that every family member is at the Seder table. Give each one a chance to express themselves with questions and answers. Be there for them. Remember the real first family holiday wasn’t celebrated in free Israel. It was celebrated under harsh conditions in Egypt as newly freed slaves.
No matter where we are there is one thing for certain that nothing comes close to experiencing a family Seder.
Rabbi Eli Hecht is vice–president of the Rabbinical Alliance of America and past–president of the Rabbinical Council of California. He is the director of Chabad of South Bay in Lomita, CA which houses a synagogue, day school, nursery school and chaplaincy programs.