It is with great sadness that I write my comments on a recent Editorial-in-Chief article in the Jewish Journal, L.A. California, May 7 – 13, 2010, called “Fish in a Barrel”.  Ron Eshman writes “why not create a ‘path to Jewishness’ that begins with interdating?  Interdating has existed for centuries, in reality; why not codify, organize and condone it?  The alternative isn't just fewer Jews, its more loneliness.”

Well, well, since when does Eshman justify ignoring the institutions of the Torah to marry Jewish?  The very first interdating Jewish woman recorded in the Torah was Dina, the daughter of our Patriarch Jacob.  When that happened, all hell broke loose!  Not only did the Jewish woman Dina get ostracized from her family, the whole town of non-Jews was wiped out by her brothers Shimon and Levi.  The lesson for interdating was very clear in those days.  There was no talk in the Torah of feeling Dina’s loneliness.  No one spoke of interdating or intermarriage as a way to increase the numbers of Jews, or giving unmarried Jewish women a chance to find a husband.

I don't, in any way, suggest that in our times we should follow the example of Jacob’s sons, Shimon and Levi, and wipe out towns of people for condoning intermarriage.  Nor do I think the Torah’s story of Pinchas killing a Jew and Midianite for interrelations the modus operandi for our generation.  But I certainly can't sit by and give credence to such a damning idea of suggesting interdating leading to intermarriage for lonely people!   

I live in the South Bay where there is a very high rate of intermarriage.  I am very sensitive and caring.  But I always remember, as a Rabbi, it is one thing to help an intermarried couple make sense of their lives’ decisions but to suggest intermarriage is always wrong.  And I believe no Jew is to be left out of the congregation. 

 

J-Date was made by Jewish people for Jewish people.  How sad it is that we have turned the pyramid upside down on its head, putting the top goal of providing lonely Jewish people a way to become happily married to Jews or non-Jews.  To suggest that J-Date be used to cure loneliness at the cost of the future of the Jewish nation is insane.   

Think for a moment.  With an increasing amount of failed marriages and a larger amount of failed intermarriages we need to do more than ever.  I believe it’s the responsibility of Jewish leadership to assist in all ways possible to marry off Jews to Jews.

 

As we approach our holiday of Shavuot, celebrating the giving of our Torah, it would do us good to remember the following facts.   

An alternative to intermarrying is inner faith. 

Shavuot reminds us of conversion.  King David’s family was established from a converted Ruth, the Moabite.  Moses, our greatest prophet, married Tzippora, a converted Midianite.  Rabbi Akiva, the leader of the Jewish people, came from a converted family.  Even Joshua, who took the Jewish people into the Promised Land, married Rachab who converted according to halacha and Jewish tradition    If and when needed, there was a Torah sanctioned halachic conversion and the rest is history.  Once again, I want to be clear that we need to reach out and help the lonely ones find their soul mates. 

Loneliness cannot do away with the fundamentals of Jewish marriage.