How to Prepare a Boy for Bar Mitzvah

Traditionally, bar mitzvah is the time when our little boys grow up and become accepted as responsible members of the Jewish faith. Now that my third son is reaching his bar mitzvah, I have been thinking about bar mitzvahs and what they mean to us.

Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary defines bar mitzvah as "a Jewish boy who reaches his 13th birthday and attains the age of religious duty and responsibility."

Sadly, too many parents the idea of bar mitzvah translates into a great family get-together. The boy shows his stuff by reading a few lines from the Torah and delivering the traditional speech and then everyone celebrates with a big party. For others bar mitzvah may mean the end of a parental interference with a growing child. The 13-year-old is free from his parents and responsible for his own decisions. He enters a new level of autonomous growth. For still others, the bar mitzvah means an end to religious training and obligations.

I have always felt that the method of preparing our bar mitzvah boys has been lacking. After the happy celebration, some of the children drop out of Hebrew school and entire bar mitzvah lessons are forgotten.

The average bar mitzvah boy learns how to read from the Torah and perhaps, even to chant the Haftorah, the additional reading at the end of the Torah portion.

But, I ask, "Is that enough?" How many times in a child's life will he use the gift of Torah reading. Not too many. Even for those who master reading the Torah, many hours are still needed to prepare for each actual reading since a different Torah portion is read each week. In essence, all that preparing and learning to read the Torah is only for a one-time experience.

On the other hand, there is another wonderful aspect of bar mitzvah preparation that can be utilized frequently throughout a man's life. If the bar mitzvah is taught to read the siddur (prayer book) fluently, understand the prayers and become familiar and comfortable with the services, he can lead services anywhere as the cantor.

If a bar mitzvah boy would learn the difference between the morning, afternoon, and evening prayers; which prayers begin at what time; which prayers are for Shabbat, Yom Tov and the weekday; which prayers are recited on a fast day; when and how one stands; and how to recite the Kaddish , he would be greatly rewarded.

The value of knowing how to use a siddur is immeasurable. How many of us become a bar mitzvah and never attend a synagogue again? When we finally do go to the synagogue we haven't the faintest notion of what is happening, because if the prayers are in Hebrew, we cannot follow them. We become uncomfortable. However, the bar mitzvah boy who receives a good education and is as familiar with the siddur as he is with his everyday live, then this child is prepared for more than just a bar mitzvah. The bar mitzvah becomes a stepping stone for responsibility, obligation and, most of all, for participation in Jewish life.

It has been said that in many synagogues, the first time the child comes to the synagogue is at his naming, the second time at his bar mitzvah and the third time at his wedding. Perhaps, the fourth time is to say Kaddish for a loved one.

I say, let the child learn how to be a chazan (cantor); let the bar mitzvah boy learn how to become one of those who lead the minyan (ten men over the age of 13). Once he is a bar mitzvah, he can be counted as one of the ten men who makes a minyan. Wherever he goes, to any synagogue in the world, he is important because he can make a minyan. Let him be educated so he feels comfortable anywhere!

What does a child gain from learning how to make a bar mitzvah speech or read a few lines of Torah if he will never learn how to be comfortable in a synagogue? Of course, if a child has an opportunity to learn how to read Torah, then he definitely should, but understanding the siddur and davening should come first.

This month my son, Boruch, will have his bar mitzvah. Besides reading the Torah, he will lead the synagogue in prayers from the beginning of the service until the last Kaddish. I know for certain that he will be comfortable in any synagogue in which he may choose to pray. I know that I have prepared a boy for an everlasting education. He'll be a bar mitzvah, a son of mitzvahs, forever!