Where's Papa?

Copyright Rabbi Eli Hecht
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Whenever Fathers' Day comes around, I think of the Ten Commandments. I have always wondered why G‑d saw it important to put honor your father and mother as a commandment. Wouldn't we honor them without G‑d commanding us to do so? It's only natural to honor a Father.

This question became answered as I studied the Eighteenth Annual Report to Congress, Child Support Enforcement. This book, running over 200 pages, explains child support enforcement guidelines. Fathers were not meeting their children, how could they honor them.

Information on the dimensions of the nonsupport problem in this country and on the functions of the Child Support Enforcement program are frightening. During the fiscal year 1993, State Child Support Enforcement agencies were able to establish paternity for 554,205 children. They Located 4,484,231 parents or their employers, collected millions in child support.

According to the Census data in the Spring of 1992, 11.5 million parents were living with their own children under 21 years of age where the other biological parent was not living in the household. Over 86 percent were mothers. In 1991 The number of births to unmarried mothers was over a  million. This was the highest number reported in a single year in the United States.

In 1989, paternity was established by the Child Support Enforcement program for about 339,000 children. In 1993 paternity was established for 554,205 children. This amounts to only a very small proportion of the nearly 3.5 million children in the program who needed this service.

What has been happening with the family, I wonder? Why wont a father support his child? I soon found out that there is more than meets the eye!

I spoke to a friend who is a Deputy District Attorney for Los Angeles County. She told me that many fathers, when  identified as paternal fathers, will voluntarily offer support for their child. The problem is that most of these fathers can't afford to help their child.

Usually the father comes to court promising to give support and then can't find a job or pay the amount. Then the State moves in, once again, and the process starts over.

I spoke to the president of a temporary agency and he related the following problem. Every month I send our reports to the government. There we list our temporary workers. We then receive a letter from the governmental child support enforcement agency that they are garnishing part of the wages. As soon as that happens the man quits and we never see him again.

This means that not only is there no child support, but we end up with higher unemployment and job turnover rates.

Now there is plan by government to have license restrictions. This means they want  to restrict licenses for practicing professionals, business people. Vehicle driving and registration licenses of people will also be restricted. This step is considered a strong remedy for catching a person who has not been paying the child support.

I think that we have shot our self in the foot. I wonder if we will have more and more unlicensed drivers out there. This latest plan may cause more problems then we have now.

There can be a better way to get parents to feel responsible for bringing a child into the world and that is through religion. Perhaps if parents were taught early in life that there are three partners in creating  a child, the mother, Father and G‑d, and By understanding that G‑d is a active partner in  giving a soul, then things would be treated different. By bringing G‑d into a consecrated marriage people would have more respect for each other and certainly for their offspring.

For years we were taught that families who pray together, stay together. Why this motto fell to the wayside is beyond my imagination. We should bring that message back.

When we teach that G‑d is in each persons marriage and that the child is a special gift, then pregnancy would be treated as a noble responsibility. There would be no need for patrimony  or out-of wedlock births.  

Schools put  an importance for school graduation. They make graduation programs that show how the children have learned and reached a level of education. The focus is on the child and his accomplishments.

I believe that we should also honor students at graduations that have behaved correctly.  To honor those who practiced safe family values  by not practicing safe sex nor  safe sin.

I graduate my students on Fathers Day to make sure that the fathers come to see their children graduate. I encourage families to meet at Schools and see what,where there children are going. What are they doing and most of what they are learning.

This is the best way for families to stay together. A fathers' day with family can be held on  graduation day; providing that there is a father.

Remember there are Approximately 16 million children in absent fathers households, U.S. bureau of the Census, Current Population Reports, Series, P60, No. 173, Child Support and alimony: 1989.