Happiness

Copyright Rabbi Eli Hecht
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At a fireman's convention the fire chiefs told stories about their men's heroism in fighting fires.  Afterwards a veteran fireman asked "Why are we running to put out fires, when we should be really looking for the arsonist who is starting them?"  Sure enough, an investigation led to an arsonist and the fires abated.

This story comes to mind when I think about how people deal with their emotional needs.  Some are always putting out emotional fires while others search for the cause, thus not allowing the fires to start.  I think that by looking inwards, we will live emotionally healthier and happier.  But for many adventure seems to be the tool used to measure emotional health and happiness.

Let's look at some of the ways society enlists the help of medicine,  and the arts to portray happiness. 

In the world of medicine we  recently became aware of new ways to change man.  We can make him stronger and better with drugs like Lipitor, a cholesterol reducer, Propecia to cure baldness, Prozac to cure depression, Evista to regulate bone density and Viagra to alleviate impotence.  These drugs stop some of the normal changes in man, promising better health and quality of life.   I guess that adds happiness.

I had a teacher who said If you want to know what people are thinking about, check the bestsellers book list.  

When reviewing current bestsellers, we find books that are sad or totally irrationally health-possessed.  Angela's Ashes has been on the bestseller list for 86 weeks.  It is a first hand, miserable memoir of family neglect, childhood suffering,  and total abuse.  As an alternative, you can invest your time reading a health bestseller called "The Zone" by Barry Sears Ph.D. with Bill Lawrens.  Here you will be introduced to the many concepts of diets, good fats and alternative foods that are fun to read about but may be impossible to observe.  I would like to see a bestseller that is down to earth, dealing with reality and attainable goals for fulfillment. 

For me the Bible has reality and wonderful goals.  It has been on the bestseller list for centuries.  It has plenty of adventure but no fantasy.

Lets see what society offers in the way of adventure.  If your needs are for animal adventure, you can try the new craze and outrun a charging bull.  Move to Arizona or Nevada and be chased for your life by a whole group of bulls, an exciting event I am sure, but not so safe.  Recently Wayne Pacelle of the U.S. Humane Society commented, Among events involving people and animals, this is not the cruelest, but it is the stupidest.  Regardless to what he said, it makes some people happy.

If you have a couple of extra thousands of dollars and you dont mind possibly dying, you can try mountain climbing on Mt. McKinley.  It is a most exciting area, but 91 climbers have died since 1932.  You can buy a round trip tour but you are not guaranteed to come back.  As a bonus, if you do come back alive and your fellow climber doesnt, you can get the rights for a book.  If you are stuck you may get a chance at cannibalism and even release a movie.  In 1997 there were over 1,100 rescue missions.  At this time there is a waiting list to challenge the mountain.

In the world of actors, we have found a new phenomena for happiness. The child actor of the famous movies Home Alone 1 and 2 Macaulay Culkin, a seventeen year old, recently got married to his girlfriend, seventeen year old Rachel Miner.  I was thinking that Macaulay had enough trouble trying to live between his divorced parents. After the hateful custody battle I thought Macaulay would have a deep understanding of the need to wait for marriage, but no, young Macaulay got married and is on his own.  A full strong seventeen year old with a mind of his own!  However, his $17 million are in trust as he is not mature enough to know how to take care of his funds but for marriage he is just right, how incongruent. 

What does society offer in entertainment?  Looking at the movies this season you really become frightened.  We have at least three films depicting how mother earth is going to pieces.  Whether it is Godzilla, the fearful monster tearing up New York City or Deep Impact, worrying about asteroids, it doesn't come close to the newest film Armageddon.  There Bruce Willis and his boys save the world.  Sadly, Willis finds it easier to save mother earth than his marriage to Demi Moore.

What may be happening to society is the refusal to look at ourselves and take responsibility for our actions.  After all, it is not easy to recognize and correct personal limitations and obligations.  Instead, we continue to search for new and exciting things to do.  By dealing with fantasies we deflect the real self.  We do so by reading books of sorrow, or viewing movies of saving the world or by climbing mountains.  We deny ourselves the inevitable fact that we are responsible for our deeds and when we act responsible we really feel good.  In the fantasy world we put our true feelings on hold. True, it is exciting to go to the theater and see Bruce Willis save the world from some asteroids.  That is much easier than coming home to face your family and saving your marriage. But easier is not always better.

A story is told about a sad, sad king.  All the physicians had despaired of curing him.  As a last resort the healer offered a remedy:  If the king would put on the shirt of a person who is absolutely happy, then the king would be healed.

Immediately, riders were dispatched all over the country to look for a person who is absolutely happy and bring back the shirt to the king.  First they went to the richest person in the country.   They asked him, "Are you happy?"

He answered: "Of course.  I am the richest person in the country."

"But are you absolutely happy?"

He began to hesitate.  "Absolute is a difficult term. I always have to protect my position.  I've had a setback or two recently...."

The messengers left him in the middle of his thoughts.

Then they met the country's leading educational figure.  "Are you happy?" they asked him.  "Yes," he answered.  "Absolutely happy?"  And there he began to hem and haw.

On their way home they heard a joyous melody.  A person was singing freely, and they sensed that he was really happy.  They saw a drunken man, reeling back and forth with a huge smile on his face.  "Are you happy," they asked him.  "I am the happiest person in the world," he answered.  "Absolutely happy?"  "Yes.  I have not a care on my mind."

"Sir, we need your shirt.  The king is sick, but the healer said that if he puts on the shirt of a happy man, he will be healed.  Lend us your shirt for a short while.  We promise that you will be amply rewarded."

The man replied, "I would be happy to help the king, and I do not need his rewards.  But there is one problem.  I do not own a shirt."

In his pursuit for happiness he lost his family, friends and all his possessions.  That mans happiness is not what the king needed.  He needed a shirt from a true happy person, not one living in a fantasy world.

I believe that a person who wants to be happy and fulfilled must be ready to give up something, and that may be his fantasies.

The Jewish sage, Ben Zoma had a saying, Who is rich?  He who is happy with his lot.  One must recognize when fantasy becomes destructive. By escaping into fantasies we fool ourselves and that is not good at all.  We need to be in touch with the real self.

As in the kings story one needs to recognize that you cannot have it all and be happy all the time. 

Remember, by chasing your fantasy - you may lose more than your shirt.  You may end up Home Alone.