Honoring Your Parent is the Best Birthday Present One Can Have
Recently I spoke to my sister Estie, in Brooklyn New York. She told me it was time to visit my dear father who was living by himself. He was sick and he needed his children.
As I prepared to visit I was worried that I would have a bad and hard trip. But to my sheer delight this trip was one of the greatest trips ever. My last few trips were for a funeral of my mother, followed with a second trip for the unveiling. A year after it was for a Yahrzeit with the family attending. My worries of coping with future family gatherings are always in the forefront.
Also I personally was not looking forward to celebrating my birthday by visiting a sick parent, and then I reasoned, sometimes we are not given choices. I was resigned on having a lonely and quiet birthday. But lo and behold God had neat plans for me.
I knew that my father was sick with something but to me it meant a cold or something trivial – called a nuisance. My sister had told me that “Your father is very sick and we are all overworked and there are no more children or grandchildren to help.” We are wiped out with the work. Who knows what that means?
I thought to myself what could be a bigger and better mitzvah, good deed, than to spend a few days with a father who cares for everybody. I can have my first good deed for of my personal new year, by performing the greatest mitzvah-part of the Ten Commandments– Honoring your Father and Mother.
So I called Estie and said that I would be very pleased to fly to New York and help care for our beloved father.
I quickly bought the last seat on Jet blue from Long Beach, California. I told my guests that were coming for Shabbos that they could have the house for themselves and can even invite some guests. Being blessed with a wonderful Chabad staff I knew my community was in good hands. Now what about my sick father?
The first thing a Chossid does when visiting New York is visit the finial resting place of the holy Lubavitcher Rebbe at the Ohel. On my computer I keep a list of many members of our community. I have their names, their children’s names, and mother’s names. Over a 100 names in the total list. Whenever I go to New York I pray for them and my family. I quickly printed out the list and took it with me.
After the prayers at the Ohel I went on to Brooklyn to meet my father. It was a bad surprise to see my father in his pajamas. So sad I thought to myself. I told my sister “Here I am and I will be here for the next four days to help.” And so it was.
Yes, hot tea, and more tea and the need to remember the pills and cough medicine. Making supper then filling up the vapor machine then more hot tea. Wash the dishes and check the heat answer the phone. Wow, I thought, my sisters had been doing this all for weeks. Now the shopping and then the doctors’ appointment!
After a long day I was thinking, it’s my birthday, and how lucky I am to have this mitzvah for my birthday by caring for my father.
Within the next 24 hours my father shed his P.Js and put on a white shirt and a pair of pants. We had a Father and son breakfast. I made him his favorite French toast. The next morning it was bulls eye eggs, something I haven’t made in 30 years. Then more hot tea and pills, a doctor visit, dishes to wash.
Suddenly my father remembered that he had to write a Dvar Torah – some new torah novelie and off we went for a two and half hour discussion on Torah. Book after book was pulled off the bookshelf, and just think, that he was still recovering from being sick. The next 24 hours it was all talk about family, rabbis and tea and more tea.
Then arrived the good old Shabbos my son Zalman joined us. There was song, stories and drinks and suddenly my father was back to himself. Of course with more tea and pills.
After Shabbos my father said, “Eli, I am feeling better.” So I knew I had performed my mitavah. It was a great four happy days. I grabbed the next flight out to California. Lucky for me that my father is now well. Hopefully I will get see him live to 120 plus more.
Since returning, I thought about the trip, and to tell the truth. I believe it’s only a shame that children remember to visit parents when there is sickness or sad times. I wished I could be closer for the good times but in truth one doesn’t have to wish it. They just need to do it.
A child must remember that not only is he an extension of his father but he was created by his father. If the God grants a father a child then the child must thank the God for granting him a wonderful father. By helping a parent extend their life we get our life extended. It is one of the few deeds in the Bible where one is promised a reward of living a long life when giving honor to a parent.
So Thanks Dad for giving me the chance to perform this great mitzvah.