Therapy & 10 Commandments

Copyright Rabbi Eli Hecht
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Recently the following incident took place. A woman of very high professional standing and education came to my office for pastoral advice. Her dilemma related to marriage, family and her work. She related her inability to balance her life. Realizing that there was much more here, I asked if she had sought help from a therapist or psychiatrist. She said that she had sought help and, indeed, was seeing a psychiatrist on a weekly basis for the past two years. Her condition seems completely helpless and, as the last resort, she is turning to religion.

I asked her three questions that I ask all those who are under care of a psychiatrist or other mental health worker, "Is your therapist married or divorced? Does your therapist believe in G‑d and organized religion? Does your therapist have love for children?" She thought and slowly answered that in all three cases it was negative. Her psychiatrist had been married and remarried, and was now going through a second divorce. No, he did not believe in religion whatsoever and claimed that religion was repressive and guilt-evoking and, therefore, he had problems with religion. Last, but not least, he did not especially care for children, "As children," he said, "are selfish and not everyone has the patience for caring for them."

I then asked her if she wanted to remain married and to this she answered, "Yes." I continued, "Do you believe in G‑d?" To this she immediately answered, "Of course," and, "I love my child." There was no question that she wanted to stay married, to believe in G‑d and love her children. I told her that her actions were incongruent; going to a healer who does not live the way that she wanted for herself is absurd. Most of all, if anything, he had personified the opposite lifestyle.

What comes to mind is the Ten Commandments. It's been said that the Ten Commandments are real commandments and not just ten suggestions. They teach us not to covet, but to love, to share, to respect and to give honor. These ingredients help us love our children, care for our fellow man and be faithful to our spouses. That is something for which all of us strive. The Ten Commandments are the most therapeutic steps to reach that goal.

True, the Ten Commandments are traditionally known to have been given to the Jewish nation. However, there is no monopoly on the good things. The world is free to borrow and obey commandments. Therapists, doctors, social workers and even spiritual healers are to be the ones to help those in need but they carry the responsibility by first obeying the commandments and setting standards. Society learns and receives inspiration by examples of practicing healers.

The problems between religion and the therapist are now being dealt with. In the  edition of the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders  religion is no longer be considered harmful.

Hopefully, by having a therapist live up to his client's expectations, the long history of hostility and antagonism will dissipate. Consequently, the client will receive better care.