Depression or Plain Tired
Gladstone was a hard working salesman who seemed never to be able to meet his commitments. After paying one bill he ended up finding other bills. Every door opened other doors and his life was a maze. The harder he worked the less money he earned. After living this way for 30 years he told his wife, Mary, that he was going to try one more time to become a millionaire.
Mary always tried to encourage him to do what he thought was best. Three weeks went by, and Carl had a heart attack and died. Thirty days later a check came from the life insurance company, issued to Mary, for $1 million. Mary took the check and visited Carl in the cemetery. "Carl, you are such a loser. We've finally hit it rich and you end up dropping dead on me."
What we learn from this episode is that so many of us are trying to make it and are working so hard thinking that by putting more time and more effort into our jobs or our lives we will be able to straighten out all our problems. But in truth we may be doing the opposite. By putting so much extra time into our work we may be destroying our work. By demanding extra time from our lives we may be depleting ourselves.
Recent articles have been printed about the growing depression phenomena. In a magazine called "The Journal of Longevity Research," there is an article that speaks about an antiaging substance that can lift a mood and enhance longevity. In the article they ask why depression hits people so much harder as they age and they blame it on some kind of enzyme or monoamine oxidase (MAO) depletion. In national magazines we find an ad calling the attention of their readers, written in a big black cloud that says depression hurts. "Depression isn't just feeling down. It's a real illness with real causes. Depression can be triggered by stressful life events, like divorce or a death in the family. Or it can appear suddenly, for no apparent reason."
This depression can be cured by bringing your serotonin levels closer to normal with a medicine called Prozac. This Prozac blessing brings back the sun. It will make you happy, bring you back into the pink, regardless of the fact that for the last 10 years there have been disagreements among psychiatrists about Prozac or not.
Even in my day care center we have 5 year old children on Prozac together with their parents and their family with the hope of achieving the wholesomeness of peace and tranquillity.
This leads me to the problem of counseling people with so called depression problems.
A high tech professional comes to see me. "Rabbi," he says, "I am depressed. I have all the depression symptoms that the articles speak about. My marriage is falling apart, my stressful life is just too much for me to handle, I am a classic depression person, I need help."
I ask him to tell me a bit about his life. Why does he feel that he has this debilitating disorder? Why does he feel that he has a crippling, suicidal depression? What makes him feel that he needs medicine immediately and is coming to me as a clergy person to help him? For that matter what drove him to this state? When I ask him how many hours he works, he says, with pride, "24 hours. I get up at 5:30, I exercise and I work straight through the day until 7:00. At 7 p.m. I come home, I have dinner and once again I do a little bit of my exercise and by 11 I watch the news. By midnight I am back to sleep."
"How many years have you been doing this?" I asked. He says "for 25 years."
"You are not depressed, my friend," I say, "you are just tired." Anybody working non-stop 18 hours a day for 365 days a year has to be worn out, depleted and unhappy.
A young mother of 4 children all under the age of 5 years claims that she is suicidal. She too wants anti-depression treatment pills. Again, I ask her about her schedule. "Well," she says, "I wake up at 2 a.m. until 4:30 a.m., 6:30 a.m. for early nursing, at 7:30 I dress two kids for day care and make a quick breakfast for my husband. Then I make the beds, wash the laundry, fold the laundry, clean the house, plan car pool pickup, pay the bills and go shopping. My day ends with a late supper, baths for the children and affection for my husband. I really can't keep up with this! I think I am depressed. My doctor thinks I should go on anti-depression medicine."
Well, I don't agree with her doctor. She has justifiable fatigue. She has earned her tiredness and feels it. Frankly, she is normal. She needs household help and not pills!
So, how do I explain the difference between depression and plain tired? For this I look into the wisdom of the Chassidic Rabbis where I find an approach that teaches the difference between depression bitterness and tiredness.
When one becomes depressed one doesn't want to operate. One finds life meaningless, life overwhelming.
Bitterness, on the other hand, is a whole different trip.
A person with bad luck, has too many jobs, commitments, too many hours and he says to himself "What am I doing to do about this? How am I going to deal with this?" He may be bitter but decides that in spite of all the odds he will overcome his challenges by recognizing his limits. He will understand that he may be trying to do more than is humanely possible. He is dead tired, and that brings him to bitterness.
Remember, his body is telling him that he is tired, he is depleted, he is worn out, he needs a change. This change is not for a magic pill to fix a chemical imbalance but rather for a change in attitude. He needs to reevaluate his priorities. By doing so he will work fewer hours and accomplish more.
In very simple terms, a person with real depression doesn't want to get out of bed in the morning while a person with bitterness and unhappiness will get out of bed and try to make his life better.
As Viktore E. Frankl, The founder of logotherapy and world-famous psychiatrist, says when life loses its meaning there is no purpose to go on, then depression sets in. The cry for meaning sets in and one finds himself in need of professional help.
Society demands for people to fulfill and pursue happiness at all costs. That's what is destroying humankind. More and more people feel defeated because they cannot accomplish things that they really should not be able to accomplish. The unrealistic goals that they present for themselves are the true downfall for what we call a depression.
It would be more important for people to be aware of what is realistic. What is within the reach of man and what is not. What can be accomplished in this short time span and what cannot be accomplished. By doing so we become happy, fulfilled and find our life more meaningful.
Your doctor may suggest Prozac but I would suggest something better, a more sensible expectation for your lifestyle. Remember, it's you alone that have the control of letting depression in and depression out. You must truly find the correct things that will make you happy. Only you can know if you are pushing yourself beyond the limits. You will know if you are depressed or just simply tired with no need for medication.
Your problems are challenges. They make you stronger and not weaker. If you are down and under the weather, there is help. Speak to a physician, counselor or clergyman.
Just remember, you may not be chemically depressed, as some profitable anti-depression chemical company may have you think. Instead of the magic pill, think of your own magic body and soul that's telling you are tired, to stop and slow down and enjoy life - naturally.