Friendship & Same Sex Marriages

One way to present true friendship is with the Latin saying, Amicus Certus re incerta cernitur (from Ennius). A sure friend is made known when one is in difficulty. 

In the 4th century B.C. Pythias was condemned to death by Dionysius, the tyrant of Syracuse, but obtained leave to go home to arrange his affairs after his friend Damon had agreed to take his place and be executed should Pythias not return. Pythias returned in time to save Damon, and Dionysius was so struck with this honorable friendship that he released both of them. The relationship between Damon and Pythias is a model of true friendship.

In the Bible we find the friendship of two women, Ruth and Naomi, "wither thou goest, I will go. If aught but death part thee and me". The Bible has many examples of supreme friendship.

Other friendship examples are not so clear. Consider the famous King David and Jonathan (Book of Samuel in the Old Testament). At Jonathan's eulogy David said,

"O, Jonathan, slain upon thy high places, I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant hast thou been unto me, thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. How are the mighty fallen and the weapons of war perished."

What was King David saying?

Before I answer this question, let me preface it with the following.

There needs to be an understanding of where friendships and marriages begin and end. Is there a common ground between friendship and marriage? What dimension is added to a friendship by marriage? Does the dimension appear only in marriage or can we achieve the added dimension through a true friendship? Besides the benefit of children, why do we need marriages if we have friendships?

In this generation friendships wear many hats. For example, some consider their teachers, partners, wives or lovers to be their best friends.   In friendship there is trust, altruism and the sharing and caring for one another. This also is found in a marriage. The idea of sacrificing for one another is found in friendship and marriages.

However, in a marriage there is an extra bond. It is the union of souls and bodies. The fusion of two people becoming one gives an energy that neither one can achieve without the other. This energy is the dimension that adds a sense of wellbeing and continued dynamic growth. The married man and woman merge into a new sphere of growth and understanding.

Jewish ethics asks, Why was man created separate? The woman was created after mans creation while all other creations were created at one time. All of the animals, mammals and amphibians, were created male and female. However, the human being was created as male and from the male body was built the woman!

The answer given by the sages is, Were woman created separate from man at the time of creation, then man and woman would always remain separate, never achieving a true harmony.

Since woman was created from man, they can fuse and become one. She returns to her source, completing mankind. When complete by marriage, they both become ingrained with new energy, soaring to unlimited heights.

Can friendship do the same? Can we reach a higher state of growth and energy in friendship. I believe yes and, at times, even more than in marriages. New dimensions can be accomplished.

This is what King David meant when he said, "I love you more than a woman. With a woman I may have reached a level of contentment but with my love to you I reached greater heights, greater than I could reach through marriage. I continuously grow in brotherhood. Our friendship was very special."

David was married to Jonathan's sister and remained best friends with Jonathan under extreme persecution by Jonathan's father.

Consider this fact.

For many years men and women who did not marry shared apartments and were considered normal.

I know many young men and women who share the rent, food and friendship. They are happy individuals with a need for companionship. What happens to their friend is of paramount importance. They care for each other when sick or in good health. If their friend needs emotional or financial support, they go out of their way to help. Yet, they don't ask for spousal benefits, SSI, Medicare programs and federal benefits reserved for heterosexual couples. They are friends and not married to one another. They are happy living a good life, full of expression.

If and when they feel a need for a new, exciting dimension, they will marry and grow together, living G‑d's master plan. The two are really one. This dimension cannot be reached nor achieved by same sex marriage. This will never happen as G‑d has other plans.

Just as a mother-son or father-daughter incestuous marriage is wrong, as stated in the Bible, and nobody has yet challenged that prohibition,  so would be a same-sex marriage.

When true friendship endures without the homosexual acts the friendship grows and, at times, more than a friendship of a marriage between male and female as stated by King David.

There are males who do not want to get married. They may feel intimidated and threatened in a sexual encounter. They simply are more comfortable around men. Some feel inadequate while others dont know how to act around women. They, therefore, choose a male companion for friendship but not for sexual activity.

For those men, the choice to live a gay lifestyle and form a friendship that includes the homosexual component would be the wrong step.

The argument for same-sex marriage due to the needs of friendships is false. You can care, love, support and grow with respect of your friend without the homosexual action. That's friendship. Marriage between male and female adds new dimensions. Marriage between same-sex individuals simply does not.

What has been happening with same-sex marriages is the following: more sickness and, in particular, the Aids virus, has occurred, necessitating more need for medical coverage, overloading the medical system!

Think for a moment, what would happen if the friendship grew and the sexual acts were removed, what a perfect friendship the people would have. Heterosexuals enjoy friendships and marriage.

Homosexuals have friendships without marriage. After all, marriages are ordained by G‑d. Without G‑ds blessings, a marriage has a hard time. How much more so a homosexual marriage!

I believe that the recent message given in the Congress by signing a bill not to recognize same-sex marriage was correct. Nobodys rights are taken away when you dont grant same-sex marriages the marriage benefits. The benefits were created for married males and females only. You are not discriminating against gay life styles as the law was never made for them.

Please don't call me names. I am not homophobic. I don't engage in name calling. Don't insult me for speaking my mind. I also have rights in defending the ethical code I believe in.

I respect the rights of individuals. We must help individuals achieve growth and a satisfying life. But we mustn't destroy the idea and sanctity of marriage in the name of the needs of gay lifestyles.

That would ruin a lot of friendships.