Honor Your Parents
In Yiddish there is an expression, “Mentch tracht, un Got lacht” — man thinks and God laughs. We have all kinds of plans, but God has the final word.
My father, who is in his mid-80s, lives in Brooklyn, and spends the winter months in warm Miami. “I am now a snow bird,” he announced. He joined other elderly New Yorkers who escape the freezing winters. The warm weather is good for their health, and helps them live longer. Our family of 9 children was raised in Brooklyn. When we married, we moved to different states and countries. I have a brother in Connecticut, another in France, and two brothers in California. My sisters live in different areas of New York and one lives in Michigan.
What brings the family together are the simchas — joyous occasions. At times, unfortunately, we are brought together for sad occasions, too.
To my surprise I received a call from my sister, who was in Miami. “The weather is beautiful but Dad is very sick and I am off to the hospital.” There he was diagnosed with bilateral pneumonia and a compromised immune system. My father said that hospitals are for the sick and dying, and he wanted no part of this.
After my sister convinced him to be admitted, he slowly but surely began the long journey to recovery. I immediately flew to Miami to be with him. Each day was a challenge. Would he get better? How long would it take for him to recover? How about his sodium and his blood count? Plus an array of other medical concerns. After six difficult days I realized that he had turned the tide.
“The food is lousy,” he said. “It’s time to go home. Shabbos — the Sabbath — is coming and I need to be with my people.” After speaking to his doctors, it was decided to let him return to his rental condo — and his friends, the other elderly snow birds from New York. So I took him home and spent a great Shabbos with no doctors and nurses. I served him breakfast, lunch and supper, gave him his medicine, called his doctors, coordinated his sleeping times and took him for a walk. He even found time to watch a wrestling match. And what a bonding we had. After such a medical storm I could appreciate the calm. This made me think: Why do we have time for our parents when they are sick, but when they are healthy we are too busy to see them? Whatever happened to honoring your father and mother in the time of wellness? The only real time we stop everything for our parents is when there is a crisis.
I think that I am going to change my lifestyle. I’ll schedule a time to spend with my aging father now when he is well and happy. I will make the time because that is when we fathers and sons can really do things and enjoy each other’s company. We are living in a time when there is a growing senior population and we need to make time from our busy schedules to be with them.
Society needs to change its habits. In the workplace there are days allocated for paid sick leave, maternity leave, vacation and jury duty. I think that presidential candidates should advocate paid leave when honoring your parents. As it says in the Bible: “Honor your father and mother and your days will be long upon the land which the Lord God has given you.”
We are all going to get older and we need to set the standard for our younger generation. Lead by example. By taking care of the elderly we truly help ourselves. So pick up the phone and jump in the car or plane and make that visit to the elderly. You will be happy you did.
Rabbi Eli Hecht is vice–president of the Rabbinical Alliance of America and past–president of the Rabbinical Council of California. He is the director of Chabad of South Bay in Lomita, CA which houses a synagogue, day school, nursery school and chaplaincy programs.